13 March 2011

How I screw myself in arguments

This morning I checked my bank account, since I like to make sure I haven't made any drastic miscalculations. I noticed a twelve dollar service fee with no explanation offered. With furrowed brow, I checked out the statement, which told me if I fulfilled their requirements I could avoid said fee. Direct deposit:no, that won't work, keep fifteen hundred dollars in the account:yeah no, etc. I realize that this account is just not meant to work with my freewheeling (read financially floating) self-employed lifestyle. So I should change banks, right?
Of course it's not that simple. I start thinking about the ramifications of changing my personal accounts, for the same bank has my business accounts and a decent chunk of credit card debt. I engaged in a good three or four minutes of nebulous fussing while getting dressed, thinking of any potential issues, which dredged up a whole thought process about banks, and how they need to make money too...
There! That! That right there is how I fuck myself over in arguments. As I think through all the various ramifications, I think myself onto middle ground. Which means in most instances, by the time I get to the actual discussion, I'm not arguing my side, I'm arguing the middle. Which lands me way closer to the opposing side by the end of a discussion.
I love to understand motivations and subtext. Maybe this comes from a lifetime of addiction to ridiculously long fantasy series with clever plots and scheming villains, perhaps I watched Dangerous Liaisons at a young and formative age, but I sort of try to see the discussion from the other side.
All of which ends up with me having to haul myself back to my side so I can clearly express my needs before passionately persuading ...err...compromise.

1 comment:

Terry said...

This is also a major flaw of many Social Workers. We're TRAINED to be in the middle-unbiased territory. It's hard to stand up for your needs when you want to really understand and be empathetic to the other sides' standpoint.